Ten reasons you’re still obsessed with your ex

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Eventually it turns into regret 6. And yeah, I guess I do think New Age stuff is dumb, but not to the point where I could rationally justify losing my voice from shouting rageful criticisms of it. JustAnswer is not intended or designed for EMERGENCY questions which should be directed immediately by telephone or in-person to qualified professionals.

Hit the gym hard This is a perfect route for you to blow off a little frustrating steam and feel good about yourself. Please give me advice on dealing with this and how to just move on. My therapist said he is a narcissist and used my anxiety to have power over me.

Ten reasons you’re still obsessed with your ex

Then you found out that your Ex is sleeping with someone new. Now, waves of rage, pain, self-doubt, and resentment are crashing over you. It feels like your blood has been replaced with Arctic seawater: Frozen and stinging at the same time. Are they on the motorcycle right now? Are they holding hands right now? Maybe they are having sex right this very second. They probably skipped the motorcycle ride and decided to spend the day in bed. Except your role is being played by someone who might be sexier, more fun or more interesting. You see your Ex — the happy, sweet, fun one you first fell in love with — sharing the best parts of themselves and hiding the rest. The joy and passion you envision for them is made all the more cruel by the stark contrast to your own silent bed. You lay sleepless, writhing in agony at the injustice. You feel trapped… in your own head. Being victimized by these intrusive images is incredibly traumatizing. Ruminating does not bring any value to your healing process. Instead, it keeps you from moving forward. Mindfulness Recognize that your vivid thoughts are activating all these scary, painful feelings, but in reality nothing bad is actually happening to you right now. You are sitting at a table, eating a bowl of cereal. Anchoring yourself to the reality of the present moment by using your senses creates a protective barrier between you and intrusive thoughts. Notice the colors, shapes, things you can see in the room around you. Hear: What are you aware of hearing, right now? Yammering in a coffee shop. Music through your headphones. The hum of the refrigerator in the kitchen. Feel: The chair under your butt. Your feet on the floor. The breath in your nostrils. The aching feeling of heartbreak in your core. Emotions are really just physical sensations. Notice how your body feels, in the present moment, without judgment. The third step to stop intrusive thoughts about your Ex is to intentionally shift your attention to something positive or pleasurable. For example, you can shift to thinking about going to lunch with a friend this afternoon, or weekend plans. If shifting mentally is too hard you can also shift your attention to something that is happening in the present moment: Watching a movie, listening to music, or petting your dog. Shifting is important because the thoughts we habitually think about get stronger. When you practice shifting, the intrusive thoughts about your Ex will get weaker. Putting It All Together You get stabbed in the brain with the image of your Ex having hot sex with the new person. And plan on doing this many times a day, at first. Shifting your awareness or distracting yourself does not mean that you are avoiding or stuffing your feelings. You have to get unstuck from the obsession phase in order for healthy new growth to occur. I hope that these techniques are helpful to you. That must be extremely difficult. Being in such close proximity to an Ex makes it difficult to hear. I would encourage you to see if there are opportunities to get some physical distance from her. Second I would advise that you build healthy distractions in to your day: Planning to have lunch with other co-workers, taking frequent breaks to walk around, and if possible listening to music or podcasts while you are at your desk. Planning interesting after-work activities may help as well. Then your job is to shift your attention to the positive things you have planned, whenever intrusive thoughts about your ex come up. This has been so helpful. It has never occurred to me that I had physiological responses to thoughts just as if things were occurring in the present. Stopping to tell myself that the thoughts are not happening gives me peace. I can move on. My imagination was getting the better of me. I have two questions: How long will it take to stop obsessing? I broke all contact to my ex recently and the pain is excruciating. Second question: how should I stop intrusive memories? All those memories that haunt me are not my imagination, they actually happened to me! Congratulations on breaking things off completely. In my experience doing that is often the first step of healing. I would expect that your intense obsessions will continue for at least several weeks. In the meantime I would suggest practicing mindfulness skills, shifting your thoughts, and also allowing yourself to grieve. You might want to check out my. He was emotionless ,cold when I was with him , but for the first few months all over me and really loving then slowly it all changed.. I am now left with depression that the dr wont give me tablets for and this feeling of hopelessness even when I am out with friends ,whatever I am doing …I cant afford a councillor …I think your advice is amazing thank you for article. Then, they move on. And, as you know so well, that leaves you sitting in the rubble of your life trying to figure out what the heck happened. As for how to accomplish that: I know that private counseling and coaching can be expensive although many practitioners do offer sliding scale rates. We were on and off for a couple of years and I loved him very much but he looked at me as an option, which is why we never went official. I found out from his friends and he lied to my face about it. I told him I needed time and space to get over him because he could never be serious and he respected that. She sits beside me in class and I have to hear her talk about him to her friend, I feel like she does it on purpose to hurt me. And he replaced me so easily. Please give me advice on dealing with this and how to just move on. I just want to forget him and be happy but it never seems to work. Talk to your parents or school guidance counselor to see if you can change your class schedule. Get some new friends. Join a club or team, or take up a new hobby that has absolutely nothing to do with them. Do everything you can to fill your life up with positive new things. AND this experience might be great motivation to buckle down, study your butt off, volunteer for an admirable cause, etc so that when it comes time to applying for college you will be the STAR APPLICANT that they all want. You can get into some amazing university, perhaps with a scholarship, and leave all those a—holes coughing in your dust. In the meantime, you might also consider talking to your parents or school guidance counselor about getting into some counseling. NOT that there is anything wrong with you, but having a supportive person to talk to about all these feelings might be really helpful. Just make sure they can be supportive and patient and non-judgmental. Its not a therapy group or anything like that, just a place to connect with a community of people struggling with similar feelings. My ex of 7 months was perfect and everything was great. Within the last month or so we were fighting a lot about going out. He always wanted to, and it was never my thing. He ended it, and out of no where. There is no way he really cared if he just dropped me like this??? He was so real and perfect and all of a sudden he changed. My therapist said he is a narcissist and used my anxiety to have power over me. I found out the day after we broke up, he started sleeping with someone else. What a hard, hard situation. I am really glad that you are in a relationship with a therapist so that you have support, and a place to go to process all of this. It also takes a long time to really get to know people. You might also consider joining our free online breakup support group on Facebook. Hope to see you there Elaine…. My boyfriend and I broke up a year ago. But since we were from the same office, same process and same floor, we still get to see each other. It was hard moving on because of that. At times we would talk and quite get far from just talking. But we never really got back together. Recently I saw him with a new girl who happened to be from his team. He was flirting with her and it was so hard to bear seeing them everyday. I would cry every night dreading the fact that I get to see them the next day. I tried to avoid them. But now I think I am developing anxiety, panics and depression. And I just cry at home after work. This is just so painful. Also, if you do not currently have a supportive relationship with a counselor or coach I would strongly recommend that you seek one out, just to have more support during this terrible time. Hang in there Kayes…. Lisa, Thank you for your response. To know that my feelings are valid makes me realize that I should be a little more gentle with myself. I am really looking forward to the podcast for this. It would be of great help as I have been trying my best to be accountable for my situation and my hardest to cope and to prove myself that I am not a damsel in distress. But this is really a tough time for me. I am really excited for the podcast!! Thank you so much!!! SO many people beat themselves up for how terrible they feel after a bad breakup. Then they are heartbroken AND ashamed of the way they feel. I really needed that too, when I was going through. And I think it is so wonderful that you are getting out of town regularly — so smart of you to do that. But he always tried to get me to do stuff against what I believed in. He chose his days when to treat me good, and how to treat me. He always thought he was just too tough to even call me names like baby and etc. Now I feel bad for breaking up with him, but I felt like I did what is best for me. I love him still, but not like I use to like a friendly way. Now he hates me, no text messages, no talking at school. Spreading lies about me all around the school saying I broke up with him from something he made up but the truth is he was all on my phone saying it hurts but he try to act tuff at school. But why does it hurt. He always try to make me jealous, everytime we break up, he want to jump into a new relationship, and do stuff to make me jealous, and I always just keep my distance from him… Any advice anyone it hurts? Particularly very immature people. I hope that you put time and energy into relationships that feel more respectful fulfilling for you, going forward. You can trust yourself. You might consider connecting with your school guidance counselor for additional support in feeling confident in sticking to your guns. I had initially made plans with her cousin who i am pretty close with and turns out she was there too. Now the Lady I knew from my childhood, our parents were very close but we had lost contact over the years. We hit it off that night had alot of fun and after visiting a few pubs she hit on me and proceeded to make out with me. I did not decline i was very happy to as i found her attractive. Thing is i some how always knew that I was interested in women as well but have never had the guts to act on it. We slept together that night too. This went on for about 8 months or so. Granted she lives in a neighbouring country we couldnt see each other as often but i did make a trip up there and we were in constant contact from the day we met. We build a quite a relationship. I have opened up in ways to her that i never have before. I went to visit her over new years 2016-2017 and we rekindled physically had a great time together got to spend alot of quality time. May I add that i was her first experience with a woman. The problem started as i revealed to her a few months after seeing in her home town, that I was in love with her. She laughed it off and said i was mad which was our usual crazy talk but i then revealed it again after a month or two and stating that i didnt need her to feel the same i was just saying how i felt. Soon after that i got a message saying that she has been doing some thinking and she cant be what i need right now. That she loves me but is not inlove with me and we should just try to be friends. I replied to it there was no nastiness from either side and we just stopped chatting for a while. I get that i was needy and temperamental i apologised for that. I just said that all i wished was that she would have been abit more emotionally available. We didnt chat for about a month and i initiated contact. We started chatting slowly again, and after about a month or so asked if she would come down to visit as she has family here too. She agreed and spent two days with me. We did end up getting physical on both times and she left. Our relationship kind of got weird as in i didnt know where we were and didnt want to ask incase it made things even more weird. She then told me that she has met someone and is very happy. I hit the floor i was burning inside but i replied i figured as much it was inevitable and im happy for you and. She tried to message me on a neutral basis that evening but i told her i needed time its great that she found love but hearing about it is another thing. We didnt chat again for about a month and out of the blue i messaged her and turns out she as home for xmas. SHe called soon after the message and we chatted for abit. We bumped into each other that night i was with people and so was she we are not out. During ehr stay here we went hiking with her cousin and i , to the movies just her and i last minute and i picked her up to join my friends and i to go to the new years eve party together. After a few drinks we had a bit of time to chat and she just said meeting him wasnt planned it just happened and what we did was a phase she is happy but she absolutely wants me in her life still. I told her it was hard and i needed time but i am happy that she has found happiness. We had quite a deep convo under the influence. She told me a few times that night that she loves me. I had never heard her say it before. She came home with me and had an old boyfriend with us and her cousin in the car and she was rubbing my leg and laying on my shoulder whilst i was driving turns out after we dropped everyone off that she told me she is not a jealous person but was very jealous that he was around me and didnt like it. Then she asked me if we could spend the morning together as in sleep together without doing anything as she does not cheat she just wanted me to hold her. She asked if we would share a bed with her cousin to be safe. And we did I we slept half naked and just held each other. I went to see her before she left the country we have been in contact but not as much as when she was here. If i managed to start letting and already in the understanding that she isnt single why do i feel so left. I also didnt want her to cheat that why i agreed that we shouldnt be alone. I am feeling abit hurt and alone but i think its due to my sensative nature. I truly want her to be happy but why does it hurt me still. I love her and i waited so long to hear something from her but did it have to be when under the influence? I am also sooooo greatful that I messaged her when i did and that she replied at least i got to see her again and we made some really awesome memories! I am just struggling abit as to how i am going to cope with the future and progress. I love her with all my heart especially after what she shared with me about her past. SHe means so much to me. I am finding myself stressing about things that havent happened yet and what ill do when she totally moves on e. I have decided that im more at peace being a friend to her and keeping intouch with her than not. And im normally ok just at times i do have a setback. I have to learn how to cope. Anyone would be confused in your position. I would recommend that you take your power back, and decide that relationships that make you feel like this one does i. I will practice the things you suggested in your article. We spent the last two and a half years of our marriage in counseling and made great progress. That was 19 months ago. The worst of it was that I had worked so hard to trust him again and I had fallen in love with him and felt that we were stronger than ever. We stayed in contact, believing that we could still be friends in some way. But I found out from others that he had been seeing her exclusively for 8 months! More dishonesty and the pain that he had obviously moved on much farther than I had was excrutiating. I finally cut off contact with him. I deleted our text message conversation which went back many, many years. But for weeks, I would find myself miserable and unable to stop the painful, destructive obsessive thoughts about him and her. I visualize that I have a box which has a start date of the day we met and an end date of the day I decided I have to move on and in that box is where I keep him and our marriage the good, the bad and the ugly and I keep that box high up on a shelf. I remind myself that to open that box gives him life and power and an opening to bring all of that pain, abuse and betrayal back into my life. It has helped me so much to remind myself that all of the bad stuff is not my problem anymore. And I never have to deal with it again. All of this happens very quickly. The best part is that every day puts me that much farther away from the pain and that much farther on my path of moving on. Thanks for sharing your story. The last 6mths of which we lived togeather with her 7yrs old daughter. I found out I had an illness which resulted in our relationship becoming strained. She broke up with me 3mths later met someone knew and after 6 mths they are now engaged. It sounds like this has been a very traumatic loss for you, and I can understand why. Are you currently doing any kind of therapy, or personal growth work around this? It can walk you through the same growth experiences that we teach our private clients for how to let go, and move on. Without the growth work, people can stay stuck in this for a loooooonnnng time. The relationship eventually ended after a few months and he immediately cut off all contact with me. The distance should have made it easier to get over him, but the aftermath of this relationship has sent me into a downward spiral of self-doubt, depression, and also obsession. This next part is hard to admit, but a few months after the breakup and still being torn up about it I managed to figure out the password to a lot of his social media and personal accounts. I think on top of hurting over losing him a lot of this obsession is rooted in my lack of self-worth and self-esteem, as this new girl is a lot more attractive than I am as well as being older and more accomplished. I think that all of us going through a really terrible breakup have done things that feel out of character. There are a number of episodes of the Love, Happiness and Success. I know from experience as a therapist who specializes in breakup recovery, that most people are not able to move on until they have stopped seeking out information about their Ex. While they often have a compulsion to do it in the moment, like scratching poison ivy, it invariably makes things worse and only prolongs the pain. This is a private group so your enrollment will not be seen, and your comments and posts can only be seen by other members of the group. Lastly, you might consider either my , or possibly some p if you could use some extra support. This is such a hard, hard thing to deal with, and the key to recovery is support. I hope you make use of all the support available for you here Emily. My ex has left me 3 weeks ago now, we have two young daughters 4 and 2 All the happy memories off being at the births, holiday even going to the local park and having a picnic. It dose not help that I have to see her when I see my kids! If I were in your shoes I would want to do everything in my power to see about mending your marriage, both for your sake and for that of your children. Have you two done any kind of couples counseling together? It may be worth trying to see a good marriage counselor together, to see if there is any opportunity for repair. On that note, many, many therapists offer marriage counseling but do not have specialized training or experience in this area. It does NOT go well, particularly when people have serious issues in their relationship. If you find that this is absolutely not salvageable, then you can begin the work of breakup recovery. I will keep my fingers crossed for you. I really really want to stop these hurtfull thought about my ex and his new girl, me being kept out and not being good enough… My problem is, I have such a hard time with step 1, the self awareness. It is about saying to yourself that you are thinking about something that is not really happening in the moment. However, my mind keeps on saying: how do you know? Can you help with this? Intrusive thoughts about your Ex are fueled by the unresolved emotions and pain underneath it, and it is very, very hard to muscle them into submission on your own. Great therapy and coaching always balances emotional safety with challenge to see things differently, and do things differently. We all have blindspots — things we think and do without even being aware of it. That is so, so true when it comes to breakup recovery. Ferreting out the thinking patterns and distortions that are causing you so much pain can be really hard to do with self help alone. Do yourself a favor and try to find a counselor or coach who really understands breakup recovery. Over 8 months ago I broke up with my boyfriend of 7 years. Officially we broke up because it has not been good between us for months and we were both frustrated I guess. But the truth was that he left me for another women who he works with and had an affair for months. I also discovered that he cheated in the past. This has literally crushed my world, I trusted him unconditionally and had never thought that he could hurt me like this. I still cannot swallow this betrayal and all lies which I could clearly see only after I found out the real reason for our break up. My self esteem is in pieces, she works as a model, is much younger than me and him , her life and all other achievments remind me of my own passions and goals which I have never accomplished. I know this constant comparing is unhealthy….. What crushes me even more is that it has been over 7 months and I thought that in my own way I have been processing it and getting out of the darkness…. Instead of this being a linear process it feels like going in circles, like it is actually getting worse. One day I feel that I have processed it all, another it hurts so much that I want to rip my heart out. I cut off all contacts with him as soon as I discovered that he had moved on before we broke up, and he has not been trying to reach out either which also hurts as it feels that he has happily moved on once the main baggage i. So from us breaking up to me cuting it all off was 1 week, it all happened so fast that it took me 2 months to actually realise what had happened. I have been searching for information on social media in search for some closure and validation. I find it so difficult to forgive, especially to forgive myself, and to find out who I am now after past 7 years…. I am wondering whether it is this lack of clousure…. I have just bought your book and have been listening to your wonderful podcasts. You are having a totally normal though terrible reaction to losing your primary attachment. I hope that you maintain compassion for yourself as you move through this process. This too, is normal, believe it or not. I hope that the book supports you in moving forward. I also hope that you find other ways of supporting your healing work. You might consider checking out our , which has various exercises to help you move through the steps of healing. You might also consider enlisting the support of a good counselor or coach who can help you work through all these feelings, and guide you through the process of healing. At the very least, I sincerely hope that you join our free online breakup recovery support group. This is a peer-to-peer private secret! Because this is a hidden Facebook group, we need to be connected as friends before we can add you. Hope to see you in our group! I thought she was the love of my life, our kids and very beings were fully intergraded. She was the first person i spoke to in the morning and the last at night until one day with no warning a phone call ending it. No closure and all existence of us on social media gone. I would love and really appreciate your advice… thank you. First of all I want you to know that this is really normal. Rather, you have to work through the steps of healing. And no, time alone will not heal, nor will just talking to a therapist who may not be familiar with the actual healing and recovery process. This is active work. I hope you consider joining our free online breakup support group. Not a therapy group, just a peer support group made up of people going through similar situations. I hope that you do. All the best to you in your recovery…. The 4th day, I noticed he was acting strangely and I had been suspecting he had been seeing his daughters mother again. She and I live in the same neighborhood so I rode by her house and of course, his car was there. Well after seeing his truck, I call her and we talk. Everything comes out at that point and she makes him leave. Not a pretty scene for any of us because he had been lying to us both. I cut off all contact with him. Not because I wanted to but because I deserve better than to be lied to. I truly think this choice is due to a child support hearing they have coming up. And just right down the road, right this minute. Help me…Any advice is appreciated. This is NOT in your head. In my opinion, what you are living through right now is on of the absolutely hardest things that you can deal with in a breakup — having to see your Ex with someone else. Different phase of life, but I can assure you that the pain was very real. I am not sure that I can do your question justice in this format, but I am in the process of compiling questions for another podcast on the subject of how to cope with a breakup and I will address it at more length there. BUT: My advice to you now, is 1 get as much physical distance as you possibly can. Do you HAVE to drive by her house? Or can you take another route? Anything you can do to prevent being triggered by the in-your-face-ness of it all would help. But if you can decide that this is not good enough for YOU, you can start to take your power back. This is just too much for anyone to go through alone. We have some amazingly smart and compassionate coaches here at Growing Self and I hope that you consider with one of them. Not a therapy group or anything, just a peer support group on Facebook for people going through situations like this. My boyfriend and I have been together for 5 years. We broke up recently for a couple of months and I slept with someone else. He also got in a relationship with someone else. His relationship ended and we decided to give us another chance. Would the above steps help him move on from this? While I think that all the strategies in this article are great for helping one to manage anxiety, and redirect attention, when it comes to intrusive thoughts, these are just basic skills. Finding forgiveness, addressing feelings of jealousy, regret, and often much more. For this kind of work, I think that couples counseling is in order. I say that because, in my experience, this can be challenging work for couples to do. Many times the feelings that get triggered when couples try to have productive conversations around these topics can wind up being so big that they shut down communication or lead to conflict rather than connection. To meet with a third party who can help you manage the feelings and have positive, productive conversations that move you forward instead of a fight can make all the difference in helping you heal as a couple so that you can both put this behind you. Also, in this case I hope that it is okay for me to say this! Meeting with a relationship expert to talk about the dynamics that led you to break up in the first place can also be extremely helpful, because when you both are actively working on making positive changes in your relationship it strengthens your bond and your commitment to each other. This in itself can be a very healing experience for couples, and makes it much easier to move past the past. So, to sum up, I think that if this relationship is important to you and you want it to endure, it would be worthwhile to get involved in effective couples counseling for both the immediate issue of lingering feelings around the things that transpired during the breakup, as well as the underlying issues that may need to be addressed for both of you to move confidently forward together long-term. Although it was rough for me at that time, I was able to get through it somehow. But recently I got to know from her that she is now with another guy. The guy who was the shoulder to cry on. This made me very very uncomfortable. When we were together we were taking different life paths, we were at different collages and it was a big challenge for me. But this new guy is from her same college and they get to meet everyday. When I was with her I took a really bad decision. I decided not to be make other female friends cause I thought it would cause drama and would ruin our relationship. Now I feel very isolated, I only have my family. What should I do by myself to feel less isolated and unloved. Which puts me in a very bad situation throughout the day and affects my daily life in a bad way. What should I do in order to get this pain off my chest? In my opinion, both professionally and personally, there is no worse feeling than regret. You also bring up a great point about your feelings of isolation. I completely agree that it would be a great idea for you to be investing time and energy in other connections right now. Look for opportunities to create meaningful connections with others. I sincerely hope that you seek support from a professional helper who can listen to you and walk you through the path of healing and recovery. This breakup podcast will give you some guidance for how to do that. It sounds like you have regrets about some of the things that you did in this relationship. I know that is painful to embrace, but when we take wisdom and guidance from our mistakes we can then go on to create a better future for ourselves. I sincerely hope that is ahead of you Shouyra. Lisa thanks so much for the brilliant wisdom shared to help helpless situations. My question is, my girlfriend broke up with me on my birthday after ignoring for 2weeks prior to my birthday. She told me a lie that her father was not in support of the relationship when apparently she had found herself a new boyfriend from her office. I was so broken when I had to find out all of these things by myself. She asked for us to be friends but I refused. Cut all contacts with her and at least there are times i wake up feeling all good and seeing quite an impressive improvement but there are times that the situation is bad. Unfortunately for me, I had to resign from my job so that could pursue my vision and plan and I lost my investment which obviously has hypnotized me in financially and that is the time she also decided to leave. I have tried many times to break away from any emotional attachment with her by cutting all forms of contacts with her but my greatest challenge now has to do with our mutual friends. Sometimes they post pictures of hers on social media and I am hurting deeply. How do handle that? What a painful situation! I know this hurts so badly right now, but I want you to know that you CAN work through this and come out the other side. I know this from personal experience, as well as having helped hundreds of people get over a breakup. The only thing that will keep you from moving forward is not doing anything, but expecting time to take it away. Recovering from a bad breakup, and the kind of relational trauma that you have experienced is an ACTIVE process. I hope that the resources you find here help you take positive action on your own behalf, so that you can take your power back, and go on to develop a positive new chapter of your life. Your recovery is going to have many stages and moving parts, but to address your specific question, yes one of them is going to be learning how to protect yourself from intrusive information about your Ex on social media. My hope for you is that when your breakup recovery process is complete, whether or not she makes an appearance in your timeline is just not really that important to you either way. It gives so many good pointers. I was in a relationship with a man who has a small child not even 2. Well we were not even together a year so it could be worse, but I did think he could be the love of my life. I spent lots of time with him and his daughter, and his friends off the bat. Also, he was entirely open about when they did things, so I felt somewhat ok about it. He made less and less effort, though just the minimum and deep down I had this sinking feeling it was because his ex was being nicer. And he was like a puppy in love with me for awhile. Getting to the point, he did end up breaking up with me and wanting to work things out with his ex because he said that if they worked hard enough it could work and also learned that he had been leaning this direction for a little while. While this hurt, I understood the logic that it would be best for their daughter, especially if they were able to get along as parents. At the same time, I realized that he had started just keeping me around as a backup plan and he owned he would have gone back to her even when things were awful between them, if his ex had wanted it. Most dramatic things I have ever done! Through this, I found out they had gotten back together while we were still together, even if it was just 2-3 weeks before we broke up. It was only 2 months ago and I have never been a person to ruminate or mope about things often. They both live somewhat close to me, even if in separate apartments, and I have not been able to stop thinking about all the anxiety I had in that relationship, especially when I felt he might get back with his ex. I then think of them being together. Also…the feeling that he would make passionate love to me, but perhaps be thinking of her, or had maybe even gone home to her. Kids make it different and no I never want to be with this man again. She lost her virginity at a pre-teen age, and — shortly before me — had been single for 5 years but used to used to sleep naked, but apparently non-sexually with men on a regular basis. It all confused the hell out of me. She seemed so together but she was so crude and over-liberal sometimes. In the end, once all this had percolated inside my head for months the strain became too much we were together for 9 months but at least 4 of these were toxic. I loved her, I never hurt her not physically anyway , but now I have huge feelings of guilt and regret. I saw a life together, a real future for her and my kids. I bumped into her yesterday for the first time in weeks. Also, she was smiling and texting someone at the time and all I could think was that it was some guy she was contacting to share her bed later! I think about her all day, every day. I feel I have no future anymore other than one of being shunned by women this has long been my belief when it comes to relationships in favour of men who are far worse. You seem like a genuinely caring, understanding person. I hope you reply to this. It sounds like you are still very attached to this person, despite all that has happened. Please do continue your therapy and look for every opportunity to focus on your self esteem in particular. I bet that putting your energy into loving yourself, and feeling more confident about your worth, will help you both let go of this relationship and also cultivate a healthy new one in the future. Our may be very helpful to you. We also have an online personal growth group that is all about improving your confidence, strengthening your sense of self, and helping you have healthier relationships. We then had a child together, into thinking that we were going to be together forever. Rage, anger, pain, etc. What do you think I should do in this situation? Sorry to hear about the breakup. I think that these things are so especially painful when there is a child involved. In my experience, in a divorce or breakup with kids, one of the hardest things to deal with is the fact that you no longer have control over what your Ex does with the children: They way they parent, who they allow around the kids, and whether or not they bring a new step-parent into their lives. It sounds like you have a lot of big feelings coming up around this since you learned of your Exes new relationship. I would recommend that you do some breakup-specific growth work to help you process the feelings you described, and find a way to move forward peacefully. Other resources are our free online breakup support Facebook group. We do also have our that can be helpful in working through some of the feelings, etc. For that reason it may be more helpful for you to get guidance and support as you do that because it can be really challenging. I wish you all the best Conrad. I hope that you keep in touch and let us know how things evolve for you. Come back to the blog in a few months and give us an update!

Let me know your thoughts. Once our hearts have been broken and stuck back together again a few times, you realise you will survive. Therefore, part of your strategy should be to ELIMINATE oneitis as much as solo. But refrain from asking any questions about the ex directly. Its not a therapy group or anything like that, just a place to connect with a community of people struggling with similar feelings. Asking these kinds of questions will only serve to stir up bad custodes for your partner, push him away, and make you feel even more insecure. It is still your fault. I found out from his friends and he lied to my face about it.